Why is everyone scared of me? Why do they tip toe around me like I laid the eggshells before me? Why can't they fucking say what they are thinking? I can read the signposts and reactions easily.
Why is it that there is always the distance between? That there is a divide. That I come too close, encroach too near for your comfort. Am I such a freak that you find me a repulsive disease?
Why do I want to be this careless all the time? Why do I have to be giving out free affections and get now deep rejections? Why do I always end up looking like the clumsy fool try hard wannabe?
Why did my Dad whip me and tie me to a tree? Why did he strip me naked and humiliate me in front of the women in my family? Why did he hurl boiling soup at me just because we lost a stupid single penny carelessly? Why did he have to name me his good-for-nothing son? Why did he kick me up the stairs like an unwanted dog and still drag me to work the fields with the rest of his slaves? Why did he abuse me further after knowing I had been the target of school bullies? Why did my Dad not protect me? Why has he never defended me? Why does he always leave me feeling threatened and in danger of losing my life?
And now I am still the freak of the week and I am supposed to forgive.
Why is there so much ridiculous meaninglessness when a home is supposed to be a place of love?
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